He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
