dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
