I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
