and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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