Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
