Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Four minutes until I can fart!
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
