I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
