Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
