I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Just pee around me
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
