Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
