You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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