If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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