I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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