i think i have two assholes
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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