My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
