I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
