I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Randomize
