3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I AM VODKA MAN
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
