now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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