I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
