That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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