if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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