And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
So many bounce houses so little time
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
