No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
