it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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