I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
