Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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