Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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