and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
