Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
