he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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