we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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