DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
