my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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