I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
