Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I have already put on my inside pants.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
