i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
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