you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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