my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
