a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
