New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
