Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
