I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
