I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Randomize
