I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
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this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
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It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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