found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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