You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Oh god it's open bar.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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