we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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