He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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