i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I am naked and annoyed.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
This can only be settled by a dance off.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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