What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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