They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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