a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
