ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
