Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
