There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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