So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
