I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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