Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize