I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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