I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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