we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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