Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
