if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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