HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
