I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
