you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
