got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I look excited, but its just a facade.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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