Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
