I looked at my own cervix.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize